Mornings can be rough for anyone. Now add 6 kids ages 1-9 to the equation and you have barely controlled chaos.
This particular morning I am operating on roughly 4 hours of broken sleep thanks to a lovely little cough I have. Do the kids care that Mom only had 4 hours of sleep? No.
This morning was also a shower morning. My kids shower every other day if it isn't summer and they are not particularly stinky. Shower mornings can go one of two ways. The first is they all take turns and the showers are of an appropriate length of time. The second is they scream, cry, and fight each other to go first then just stand under the water until I yell from across the house after a good 15 mins "ARE YOU DONE YET fill in child's name??" the response to which is always "I still need to use the soap!" translation being "I have been standing under the warm water in order to ensure that my siblings shower will be icy cold and they will be awful and whining for the rest of the morning, and I have not even washed my body or my hair so I am going to be at least another 10 mins." If you couldn't guess this morning was the second way.
Lanae is a morning person. She was skipping about and sickeningly cheerful.
Alana was not in a good mood this morning. I am not sure why... it could have been that she wanted to go first in the shower but that honor was bestowed upon Savana, or it could have been that since Savana was first in the shower she "stole" what Alana was going to wear. Did Savana know she was putting on what her sister was planning on wearing today? nope. But that didn't matter to Alana. Alana screamed and cried and Savana tried to appease her by giving up the outfit but alas it was not good enough for now it was... damp. Yep Savana got the shirt damp from her hair and now the shirt was surely ruined!!!! Screaming and crying Alana came to me and explained the gross injustice that had occurred and that she now had NOTHING to wear I told her to go back to her room and just put something on and I did not care what she wore but could not attend school in her panties. I was answered with more cries of how unfair her 7 year old life was but she did relent and get dressed.
Back to Lanae. She is something else entirely. I have not figured out exactly what she is but as I have said before she fancies herself a purple vampire princess mermaid that can change into anything. She just could not pass up an opportunity to use her chipperness in some very dark and vampirelike fashion so she sang to Alana her ABC's. For some reason Alana did not appreciate the 5 year olds off key and obscenely loud version of the song and yelled "STOP SINGING!" covered her ears and "UNGGGHHHHED" in order to drown her out.
Lanae, being unscathed by her sisters reaction, skipped back up to me and asked "What's wrong with Alana?"
My reply "Alana is in a bad mood this morning it is probably best to leave her alone."
Lanae "I don't think she likes my singing..."
My reply "Your singing is lovely sweetie"
Lanae "I sang the ABC's just perfect, I'm very smart mom."
My reply "Yes you are very smart honey."
Lanae "Maybe we should just get rid of Alana." *giggle* skip out of the room.
My reply *blink blink* "uhhhh" *uncomfortable laugh followed by my silence as I listened to Lanae skip back up to Alana and start singing her ABC's.
spring
Friday, April 29, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Mess
Family is a mess.
I am very, very lucky. I was raised in a family with a mom and a dad that love me unconditionally. No matter what happens or who I am or turn out to be they will be there. I have a brother and a sister that are great too. Did we drive each other crazy while we were growing up? Yep. Are we going to continue to drive each other nuts every now and then? Yep. But over all my family is fantastic. And that extends to most of my extended relations as well. We have our fair share of craziness but what family doesn't? Family is about being there when you are needed and I know without a doubt they will be there.
I am also one of the more fortunate ones who was raised in a more liberal environment. Now before some of you get all huffy and think "what's wrong with being conservative???" I will tell you, nothing really this is just my point of view. To me a conservative environment is filled full of "no" while a liberal environment is filled with "yes". From my VERY limited experiences here on this big round ball I get the feeling that a liberal family tries to encourage you to be yourself while the conservative family tries to limit your exposure to the outside world all in the name of protection.
Now for some INSANE reason when I was 18 (that's a part of the reason there) and insanely in love with my wonderful boyfriend and future husband(that's probably part of the reason as well) I decided to join a ultra-conservative religion. Now being raised a liberal I had to shelve a few of my ideas not only to fit in but to not drive myself insane with cog-dis. Joining also had a weird side effect on my familial relations. I idolized my in-laws(to be clear here I am talking about my entire in-law family) and practically cast out the family that raised me. Now when I say I idolized my in-laws I am not being overly dramatic or sensational... I practically worshiped them and they could do NO wrong. RED FLAG!!! This was not healthy. Two years ago, after careful research and heartfelt prayer, my religious world came crashing down. I had to do some serious restructuring of not only myself but all my relationships. EVERYTHING shifted. I had to reexamine who I was while simultaneously reexamining everyone around me and how they fit into my life. This caused major damage to the in-law family and had a beautiful healing effect with me and the family I was raised in. There my family was waiting with open arms. You see I treated them very poorly while involved in religion but they never gave up on me. I snubbed them by not inviting them to my temple sealing but they forgave and forgot and allowed me to feel out what I wanted and where I wanted to land. I will be forever thankful that I have them in my life. Now with the in-laws we are still feeling things out. I really hope that things will work out but I wonder if the ultra-conservative view really allows for me to be me. Will I be accepted for who I am and encouraged to form my own opinion about life? or will I be rejected and cut out like a cancer and viewed as a danger to the happy utopia?
Now that is not to say that my in-laws are not fantastic people. They are. They are kind, generous, loving, productive, caring, and faithful people. My concern actually is not with them as people but their views as an ultra-conservative. I love them and will continue to pursue a happy and healthy relationship with all of them. Also understand I am using gross generalization here on purpose. I do not want to "call-out" any one person or persons, but I do want to express my feelings and thoughts on this subject.
I am not keeping anything on my little shelf anymore. I took it all down and examined it. I have kept what I found useful and rejected what I found to be toxic. I will continue to evolve and change as I see fit. Because I am human I will make mistakes. and because I am human I will try my best to remedy them. I hope that I will be accepted and loved for the flawed human being that I am.
I am very, very lucky. I was raised in a family with a mom and a dad that love me unconditionally. No matter what happens or who I am or turn out to be they will be there. I have a brother and a sister that are great too. Did we drive each other crazy while we were growing up? Yep. Are we going to continue to drive each other nuts every now and then? Yep. But over all my family is fantastic. And that extends to most of my extended relations as well. We have our fair share of craziness but what family doesn't? Family is about being there when you are needed and I know without a doubt they will be there.
I am also one of the more fortunate ones who was raised in a more liberal environment. Now before some of you get all huffy and think "what's wrong with being conservative???" I will tell you, nothing really this is just my point of view. To me a conservative environment is filled full of "no" while a liberal environment is filled with "yes". From my VERY limited experiences here on this big round ball I get the feeling that a liberal family tries to encourage you to be yourself while the conservative family tries to limit your exposure to the outside world all in the name of protection.
Now for some INSANE reason when I was 18 (that's a part of the reason there) and insanely in love with my wonderful boyfriend and future husband(that's probably part of the reason as well) I decided to join a ultra-conservative religion. Now being raised a liberal I had to shelve a few of my ideas not only to fit in but to not drive myself insane with cog-dis. Joining also had a weird side effect on my familial relations. I idolized my in-laws(to be clear here I am talking about my entire in-law family) and practically cast out the family that raised me. Now when I say I idolized my in-laws I am not being overly dramatic or sensational... I practically worshiped them and they could do NO wrong. RED FLAG!!! This was not healthy. Two years ago, after careful research and heartfelt prayer, my religious world came crashing down. I had to do some serious restructuring of not only myself but all my relationships. EVERYTHING shifted. I had to reexamine who I was while simultaneously reexamining everyone around me and how they fit into my life. This caused major damage to the in-law family and had a beautiful healing effect with me and the family I was raised in. There my family was waiting with open arms. You see I treated them very poorly while involved in religion but they never gave up on me. I snubbed them by not inviting them to my temple sealing but they forgave and forgot and allowed me to feel out what I wanted and where I wanted to land. I will be forever thankful that I have them in my life. Now with the in-laws we are still feeling things out. I really hope that things will work out but I wonder if the ultra-conservative view really allows for me to be me. Will I be accepted for who I am and encouraged to form my own opinion about life? or will I be rejected and cut out like a cancer and viewed as a danger to the happy utopia?
Now that is not to say that my in-laws are not fantastic people. They are. They are kind, generous, loving, productive, caring, and faithful people. My concern actually is not with them as people but their views as an ultra-conservative. I love them and will continue to pursue a happy and healthy relationship with all of them. Also understand I am using gross generalization here on purpose. I do not want to "call-out" any one person or persons, but I do want to express my feelings and thoughts on this subject.
I am not keeping anything on my little shelf anymore. I took it all down and examined it. I have kept what I found useful and rejected what I found to be toxic. I will continue to evolve and change as I see fit. Because I am human I will make mistakes. and because I am human I will try my best to remedy them. I hope that I will be accepted and loved for the flawed human being that I am.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Hello
Well, I am starting a blog. Way to state the obvious right? Sometimes I feel that there is so much going on in my family and in my head that I would love a spot to write it down and share it. I am giving all who read this fair warning though that some of my life and my thoughts may offend! I am not trying to be offensive but as many of you know I have decided to leave the Mormon church and my life is not always in line with their teachings and principals. I may offend those with more delicate sensibilities so READER BEWARE! I do plan on trying to share the lighter side of being a mom and trying my best to raise my 6 kids so not all of my blogging will be so serious but I am sure some of my religious issues might appear here. Consider yourself advised :D
alright on to what's going on in my life...
This weekend was Lanaes 5th birthday party!!!! A bit about Lanae... She is a VERY imaginative child (to say the least) When she grows up she wants to be a mermaid, but not just any ole mermaid but a purple vampire princess mermaid that can change into anything. Don't worry though she only plans on drinking "bad guys" blood. I have yet to nail down exactly what a "bad guy" is to her yet though, it might be a person who murders, rapes, and steals or it might be someone who refused to give her exactly what she wanted as she kicked and screamed on the floor of the toy section at Walmart. Anyway... She wanted her own birthday where lots of people came and brought her presents. She has sorta had it hard since her oldest sister (Lilly) has her birthday 5 days before her and I have a bad habit of trying to combine them to save on costs. This year though Lanae demanded her own party and we gave it to her. She had a great time. When it came time to do presents we gathered all the kids and adults and had the best time watching her open gifts. She was hilarious! Each gift warranted a squeal of delight or the "ahhhhhhhh"ing of angels. At one point she pulled out a receipt and exclaimed "OH! a receipt!" in a high, cute, and delighted fashion. I swear it makes me want to buy her a gift everyday just to watch her open them.
Easter was weird for us this year. It has been a few years since Ryan and I decided that The Mormon church wasn't true and it wasn't really until just recently we have decided to classify our beliefs as agnostic atheists. (that would mean that we don't believe that there is a God but we can't prove that their isn't one either) This makes Easter a very odd time of year. We made it through Christmas without a hiccup concentrating on the giving and the "spirit" of Christmas of loving your fellow man and all that. Easter is a different story though. Sure you can concentrate on the Easter bunny side of things with egg hunts and candy baskets but it just felt hollow kind of like a cheep chocolate rabbit. Easter has really lost it's substance and for some reason every time someone would say "happy Easter" or posted something on Facebook about Jesus I bristled. I think what was going on is I was feeling the loss of my faith. It stung. We also did not have our traditional Easter over at my in-laws due to some familial issues (you don't really want to know) and I was very sad and upset at that as well. I am sincerely hoping that the family issues will get better and that we will all be able to have holidays together (I am not going to hold my breath but it could happen) because I do love my extended family.
Easter was also fun. We got to go over to the Dickersons home and have some ham and their boys hid eggs for our kids to find. It was nice and surprisingly quiet seeing as how there were 9 kids there. The Dickersons have a lovely home and they and my parents and siblings make fine company. I had a great time.
Well this concludes my first entry. I hope you enjoy your little peek into my life :D
alright on to what's going on in my life...
This weekend was Lanaes 5th birthday party!!!! A bit about Lanae... She is a VERY imaginative child (to say the least) When she grows up she wants to be a mermaid, but not just any ole mermaid but a purple vampire princess mermaid that can change into anything. Don't worry though she only plans on drinking "bad guys" blood. I have yet to nail down exactly what a "bad guy" is to her yet though, it might be a person who murders, rapes, and steals or it might be someone who refused to give her exactly what she wanted as she kicked and screamed on the floor of the toy section at Walmart. Anyway... She wanted her own birthday where lots of people came and brought her presents. She has sorta had it hard since her oldest sister (Lilly) has her birthday 5 days before her and I have a bad habit of trying to combine them to save on costs. This year though Lanae demanded her own party and we gave it to her. She had a great time. When it came time to do presents we gathered all the kids and adults and had the best time watching her open gifts. She was hilarious! Each gift warranted a squeal of delight or the "ahhhhhhhh"ing of angels. At one point she pulled out a receipt and exclaimed "OH! a receipt!" in a high, cute, and delighted fashion. I swear it makes me want to buy her a gift everyday just to watch her open them.
Easter was weird for us this year. It has been a few years since Ryan and I decided that The Mormon church wasn't true and it wasn't really until just recently we have decided to classify our beliefs as agnostic atheists. (that would mean that we don't believe that there is a God but we can't prove that their isn't one either) This makes Easter a very odd time of year. We made it through Christmas without a hiccup concentrating on the giving and the "spirit" of Christmas of loving your fellow man and all that. Easter is a different story though. Sure you can concentrate on the Easter bunny side of things with egg hunts and candy baskets but it just felt hollow kind of like a cheep chocolate rabbit. Easter has really lost it's substance and for some reason every time someone would say "happy Easter" or posted something on Facebook about Jesus I bristled. I think what was going on is I was feeling the loss of my faith. It stung. We also did not have our traditional Easter over at my in-laws due to some familial issues (you don't really want to know) and I was very sad and upset at that as well. I am sincerely hoping that the family issues will get better and that we will all be able to have holidays together (I am not going to hold my breath but it could happen) because I do love my extended family.
Easter was also fun. We got to go over to the Dickersons home and have some ham and their boys hid eggs for our kids to find. It was nice and surprisingly quiet seeing as how there were 9 kids there. The Dickersons have a lovely home and they and my parents and siblings make fine company. I had a great time.
Well this concludes my first entry. I hope you enjoy your little peek into my life :D
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